Sumnima tales

 You would want me to write something other than this. But, as I start, I would only ask, 'How have you been lately?'. Do you remember me sometimes, or did you already forget the days we cherished being together? I see myself as a hopeless person sometimes, not because you left me with all the hopes to die, but because as I try to build myself and move forward, I am surrounded by nothing but our fading memories as if the candle is about to burn out. Life is not fair these days, but a lot fairer than our last good bye, so I've been walking along these roads these days wandering how life could have been with you or is the life that I am living right now is the right thing for me and that I did not give up on myself is my victory. I don't know anything but I am still moving, still loving, and still caring. 

 You might think that you are standing alone while everyone surrounding you has left their traces of existence in your life. You might feel alone, you might feel betrayed, or you might feel sad. There's absolutely nothing you can do to stop people from moving out of your life, but one thing you can try is to accept this, and never expect them back. This will make you resilient with time. If you show how devastated you are without them, you will again be neglected. But, if you start to focus on your own self and start laughing often, they surely will be back. Now, what? You're supposed to ignore them as if you never knew them. You ask, why? I say would you want to cut your fingers using your own knife? No, right. So, never let them be back because now we are only focused on building ourselves and not someone who once had no concern regarding you.  Come on, let things slide. People come and go, what stays is the honesty people showed or the promise you kept to them. I feel like ...

  Till today I have been clueless on what to do next and where to begin. But at the end of the day, it all seems vivid. I have been a very happy person lately, and I am so sorry that I don’t allow anyone to disturb my peace anymore. If you are willing to mess with me, please kindly mess with yourself because I have no spare time for any of you and your shits. Recently I have found a meaning to my life, and it feels surreal. Anyways, I hope I get to make myself proud once again. Some few more months and I will already step on the path that I have set. I am thankful to myself and my mindset and indeed my friends who make it easier for me. Actually I do have 2/3 friends. And yes I am not going to be alone anyways. At the end, I will always have myself and someone who will push me every-time I fall a step back. I am being more aware of emotional intelligence and I am being inexorable in more beautiful way. I mean, a new destiny awaits. Lets hope for the best and give it a kick. 

 How does it feel when you have so much to say but no one to listen. How does it feel when you want to cry with someone but you realize there is no single person go give you a shoulder to lay on. How does it feel being overly independent and showing as if you are the bravest one killing the dear self. How does it feel to ask questions to self and answer it self. How does it feel to know that there are only days where you are restless and hustles. How does it feel when you are unable to define yourself and the state you are in. People do not die young, they die early. Early in the sense they decide to take their life thinking this same state of feeling is going to continue for the rest of his life. They make this decision going through all above feelings I mentioned. They do not die knowing its going to hurt, they die cause they know their death is not going to make any difference. They arenot going to leave any print here. They feel worthless sometimes, lonely as well. But the choi...

 I can sense somehow people become tired of me after some time. And I can totally relate because I get tired of myself too. When I get tired I come to you and express all of my emotions as if you would erase them as some horrible dream and assure me that they won't be back again. I feel light and free and get lost in those safe arms. But when you're tired what you do is push me away which makes me push you even more. Sorry, I am not the one and could never be the one you wanted me to be, and I know pretty well that I won't be any of them as well. I wish I would be someone who could be customized for you and  I feel bad for myself too. That's why I stayed away. I am not good or won't try to be any good. Stages I have crossed in my life have filled my heart with thorns and body with a coating that will never be removed. I don't understand you and am sorry that I have never been able to do so. If metaverse exists, I would exactly want to be the person you want me t...

 After so many years, I feel free today. I feel so light that I can feel my body carrying my soul. Today, the day seems like heaven and unreal. It feels as if I have come to some other dimension in life. Love actually feels real when someone understands what you are actually going through and hold your hands throughout the journey. It is just the mutual support that we have been wanting our whole time. When someone pushes you to do it, you do it with more might. Is not it so human nature to crave someone who actually cares for you without any conditions applied? Today I know how it feels to be motivated by someone who is just not your best friend but your entire way of happiness. Love indeed is powerful, to indulge in it is both my weakness and strength at the same time.